Contributor: John Baldoni
Empathy has become the buzzword of 2020.
And that’s too bad because too often, buzzwords fall into disuse. We need empathy now more than ever.
Empathy is the capacity to feel for someone else, to feel compassion for what they are experiencing. As our nation is riven by the twin viruses of Covid-19 and systemic racism, and the resulting economic fallout, people in need, or people in general, want to know that someone cares.
When we see images of people who have suffered or are caring for those suffering, we feel sympathy. We are in synchronicity with their loss. That is fine, but it’s not empathy. Empathy, as classically defined in Webster’s Dictionary, is “the ability to share in another’s emotions, thoughts or feelings.”
Leaders can be empathetic, but feeling empathy is not enough. Acting with empathy is what’s necessary. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths,” wrote the Swiss psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. “These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Acting with empathy
Being and doing are different things. Here are some tips for acting on empathy.
Listen intently. While sympathy is an inclination to experience another’s pain, empathy is the willingness to act. You can only act if you know what the issue is. That comes from listening. Focus on the other person. Have a conversation.
Anticipate the need. Acting on empathy means not waiting to be asked. Sense the need and fulfill it. Don’t ask if someone is hungry. Bring them a meal. Don’t ask if they need a job. Help them find one. Don’t ask people if they feel sad. Find a moment of joy for them.
Follow up. People with genuine empathy follow up to see how those in need are doing. Sometimes all a person needs is a shoulder to lean on for support. Other times it is a blueprint for survival with assistance along the way. Checking in on people keeps you in touch. It also gives the individual being helped the opportunity to say thank you. Being grateful opens the door for them to maintain their dignity. And even more, it reminds them of their self-worth.
Leo Buscaglia, popular author, speaker and university professor, wrote, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Empathy is generative. That is, the more we give, the more we get in return. We feel good about helping others and, in turn, feel the energy from that. Empathy is the capacity to care and act on that caring.
John Baldoni
Master Corporate Executive Coach
Member of Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches
www.johnbaldoni.com